Shouldn’t Darth Vader Be Calmer?

I was wondering something about Darth Vader. That happens sometimes. Ok, fine. It happens a lot. Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader is my fascination point in Star Wars, and you have to live with it.


I was thinking about how, when I’m working long hours, I like to put on music. I also like to put on the ocean waves, a sort of white noise that allows me to find my inner Zen and practice conscious breathing so that I don’t overreact to emails that strike a nerve on a stressful day.

Then I thought of Darth Vader. Stay with me, please, because I promise you this makes sense to me.

Shouldn’t Darth Vader be calmer?

After all, his breath regulator – the manipulated sound of a scuba diving breathing regulator – has a regular, formless sound that has a relaxing rhythm. Since we know that white noise forms a wall of sound that helps us relax, then Vader should be pretty chill.

For that matter, everyone around him should be more relaxed. When he walks into a room, everyone should be able to feel their blood pressure drop. The walking sound machine is there. Vader should immediately increase productivity and focus not through fear, but through the calming waves of his white noise face machine.

I mean, the Emperor could have invited Vader to stand by his bed so he could fall asleep more easily. But since that might make him nervous about his Sith apprentice assassinating him, then just calling him on a holonet receiver should have been enough. Vader could have been the Emperor’s own night-night machine.

The only conclusion I can reach is that the Imperial forces were just too high-strung for their own good. Maybe it was Correllian Coffee? Who knows.

I just don’t understand why Darth Vader wasn’t just a little bit calmer.

Darth Vader Star Wars Choke
“Please stop falling asleep during my Power Point presentation.”

3 thoughts on “Shouldn’t Darth Vader Be Calmer?

  1. At the very least, he could just up the oxygen levels and give himself a periodic high when annoying Admirals kept bringing his fleet out of hyperspace too close to their target rebel planets, thus giving away their position.

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