Vampire Contingency Plans

Recently there was a story about drones being used to transport blood samples. It’s been approved, and this is the game plan. Blood samples, of various sorts, transported to hospitals by drone.

You can read an article about it over on The Verge if this is news to you. I mean, I think we trust each other enough by this point that you’d take my word for it, but it’s fine. It’s fine.

In the Verge article linked above, they clearly cite the company statement, “a medical sample or specimen – such as a blood sample.” [Emphasis is mine.] This is a broader statement than just blood, obviously. It means that this isn’t just blood samples. This means there will also be things like poop samples, and other types of samples I don’t necessarily want to contemplate. It’s not the focus of this blog entry.

If you want some musings on poop, I’ll direct you to a post from several years ago called Darth Vader’s Poop. It’s all about legitimate questions I have regarding the function of Darth Vader’s suit as relates to waste disposal. That inevitably led to my contemplation about the ways it could go wrong, as well.

Adjusting to Life in These Modern Times

As technology continues to advance relentlessly, we all have to adapt to new realities in life. It’s been true since the dawn of time, and it’s truer now in the aftermath of several technological leaps in the last century.

We’re on camera constantly. A bad moment online can be immortalized and used against you in the court of public opinion. An honest word can be taken out of context and portrayed as monstrous.

We decry the despoiling of the environment while spending chunks of our income to own and replace rectangular hunks of poisonous chemicals, manufactured in terrible labor conditions, which then generate microwave radiation that damages our eyes and brain cells while cooking the planet.

Pictures you thought long forgotten come back to remind you of when you had hair. Those old pictures show your luxurious hair before your excessive brain function generated enough heat to burn that insulation off, keeping your brain cool as you thought even deeper thoughts. Thoughts that would overheat people with hair.

But I digress.

It’s a brave new world. With the rise of drone technology, we have to be much more comfortable with the idea of strange things flying overhead. If this is something that can help people get faster results and possibly lead to quicker treatments and cures, then my human heart rejoices.

I’m sure the secure containers aren’t something to be overly concerned about. They’re likely even drop-proof and can’t be tampered with, even if the drone is plucked out of the sky by humans with ill intent.


I am concerned they haven’t considered a very real security issue.

Have They Failed to Consider the Vampire Problem?

This is like a delivery service for the Damned!

I want to know what safeguards they have in place to deal with vampires intercepting these blood sample drones. If they don’t plan appropriately, they’re basically just setting up a delivery service for Dracula and his night slaves.

It’s bad enough that they’ve infiltrated the blood banks. Now we’re going to make it even easier for them!

Imagine, blood samples flown through the dusk sky just as our Hellish saboteurs awaken to feed. The worst part is the samples won’t be enough to slake their damnable thirst. It will be just enough to make them thirst ever more for it, desperate to find more victims. It could set off a feeding frenzy akin to when blood is in the water near a group of sharks.

Only this will be with vampires!

Good Night, Sweet World

As you lay down in the coming years hearing a drone full of blood samples fly overhead, realize it may just be like a pied paper leading those vampire rats to your haven. They won’t be able to help themselves.

If they catch the drone over your neighborhood, their first taste will drive them wild and make them nigh unstoppable! That taste will make them willing to face the horrors of your protections in hopes of a fresh meal.

But protect yourself you must! Make yourself a difficult target now, before the problem is here. By building an appropriately unwelcoming house to vampires, you will keep them away.

They may feed on your neighbors, their curdling screams haunting you for the rest of your days. Eventually they’ll run out of neighbors.

Yet the drones with blood samples will keep coming.

May Heaven help us all.