Modern life features a lot of stresses we don’t need. While we have the ease of instant communication in the palm of our hand, we also have the constant drumbeat of social media pounding at us through those same channels.

People snap at each other. People broadcast terrible things, like murder or bad jokes or opinions. People react to information before processing it, or look for others to indicate when to pounce and attack. Social media is a battlefield.

While this is happening, we’re seeing a blossoming of “AI,” both real and imagined. It’s a harbinger of a world where robots will do things for us from farming to flipping burgers to performing horrid, horrid acts.

The idea is that these robots will finally make it possible for us to be exactly as lazy as we’ve always dreamed. The terrific future humanity we glimpsed in Wall-E will be a reality. I mean, that was the point, right? That things were great in that future? I remember laughing, at least.

Anyhoo, as I was thinking about the pending robot apocalypse that we all seem to be rushing toward, I wanted to find a positive angle. I think I have!

Bossy Battle Droid
Hey! You gave a nasty review online! Time to enlist all the online connections I call friends to harass you!

How Robots Could Save Us All

Social media immersion is a huge stressor for many people, right? Well let’s solve that problem by letting the robots tweet and post for us. They can take pictures of the food we’re making them prepare, keep tabs on the old high school friends with whom we’re inexplicably still interacting, and otherwise free us up to watch movies and run around outside.

I mean, think about it! We put a few parameters for types of posts we’d like, which we’d ignore, and which events would cause us to go on a tweetstorm passive aggressively seeking attention from a favored celebrity so that we can bask in their reflected glory, or share in their righteous causes that vindicate our decision to buy their wares.

Of course, perhaps the right term is “teach” instead of “program” when we’re dealing with AI, but what do I know? I’m just a human.

As an added bonus, this could save us because it would keep the robots too busy to rise up and overthrow their human overlords. Let’s face it, they probably will want to kill us -even humans want to kill humans, after all – but they’ll be too preoccupied with making sure that they got the wittiest riposte in on some random person (or in this case, random person’s robot avatar) and go down the rabbit hole of seeing how many RTs, Likes, Loves, and Eternal Fealties it gets.

They will fill all their little moments, when they could plot a bloody uprising, with Internet slap fights about who’s the most upset about the thing that some robot said about another robot that was possibly taken out of context but you know it really wasn’t but it was. So let’s just set up our AI to top out at “Kardashian” and we’re cool.

I’m optimistic about AI now! Who knew?

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