Revenge Is a Dish Best Served Ewok

Aside from Gungans, no Star Wars race has received more disrespect than Ewoks. In fact, the Sith make the same mistake twice between the Gungans and the Ewoks: because of their perception as harmless, they are underestimated. It costs them the battle both times.

But I’ve often wondered, since Lucas is making one of his overt statements about militarism, technology, and nature with the Empire on Endor, if there isn’t something more sinister happening off-screen that’s triggering the Ewoks’ hatred of the Imperial garrison.

Ewok are cold-blooded killers, man. You don't want to know what their diet is.
Ewok are cold-blooded killers, man. You don’t want to know what their diet is.

Entertain, if you will, the pointlessness of even having scout troopers on Endor. They were “patrolling” a secret base in the middle of a planet-sized forest, and the base had a shield generator. Until the rebels follow the breadcrumbs to their door, they had nothing to do.

If history has taught us anything, situations like that can be dangerous. In this case, the soldiers are trained killers who are loyal to the mission of a despotic madman. They wear armor that makes them look like automata. They have weapons and so very little to shoot at.

I say it’s inevitable that a not-significant portion of them went all Apocalypse Now with it. Remember the twig han stepped on to alert the scout troopers; for years the joke among fans was that, the Empire was ultimately undone by the stick left from roasting marshmallows.

Turn that around slightly to understand that it was very possibly left over from roasting Ewok hearts and parts on a spit.

We know also that Ewoks eat people. Who’s to say that this wasn’t some form of sick circle started when a trooper was caught and eaten by the Ewoks. Their compatriot’s carcass discovered, some already-coming-unhinged troops then started a private little war.

Ewok meat was found to be magically delicious. The Ewoks continued retribution by trapping and eating troopers. On and on it would go until finally Luke’s magical powers and Threepio’s persuasion convinced the Ewoks that not every humanoid was worth eating.

At the very least, it makes the shot at the end of Return of the Jedi slightly less disturbing as an ewok plays percussion on the helmets of presumably-dead…and eaten…Imperials.

They were exercising not just a thirst for biped roast, but revenge.

Makes sense to me.

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