Tonight both I and my dear co-host of Words With Nerds, Craig, are going to see an advance showing of Captain America: The Winter Soldier. This is because it looks awesome, Craig loves Captain America and long-time show supporter/sometimes guest Shawn will be there as well.

So in honor of my truncated writing time, the movie I’m going to see and my desire to enrage people, I’m rolling out another Improbable Match-Up. Like last time I’ll be rolling out something to “cross the streams” and mix up fake universes.

So let’s get ready to Geeeeeeeeek Out.

Factor: Strength
Captain America: Super Soldier Serum Bane: Naturally strong and/or painkilling/strength enhancing drugs.
Advantage: Bane.
Cap’s all big and bad with his shield, but if Bane gets past that he’s going to paint the town red, white and blew-him-out-of-the-water. Match comic book Cap against Bane, and Bane wins thanks to Venum. Match movie Cap against movie Bane, and Bane breaks him without any chance at leaving him alive to break his spirit.
Factor: Ferocity
Captain America: Righteous Avenger Bane: His picture is next to its definition.
Advantage: Bane.
This is a hands-down win for me. Cap will hold off on attacking with deadly force because he’s a good guy and on principle will try to “bring people to justice” before bringing them to the cemetery. Bane will simply kill you because it’s more efficient. Batman is the only one he with whom he wants to toy, because (both comics and movie) he wants to prove himself. Everyone else is expendable.
Factor: Idea of Justice
Captain America: Altruisitic Bane: Absolute
Advantage: Tie.
Taking Civil War into account, Cap will burn the place to the ground before he’ll go along with something that goes against the concept of justice and truth. It’s admirable and awesome. Bane has a very distinct view of justice, but no moral code to bind its implementation; in the movie he wants to burn Gotham to purge the decadent and in the comics he wants to overthrow the King of Gotham. In both, he deploys whatever means at hand to do it.
Factor: Weaknesses
Captain America: Rigidity Bane: Myopic strategies
Advantage: Captain America.
Bane focuses on a goal and pursues it ruthlessly, but as a result always leaves himself open to counter-strategy and failure. He underestimates the allies of those around him. Captain America isn’t Superman-style invulnerable, and it might be tempting to say his sense of mercy is a weakness if you’re cynical (I’m not). But his only real weakness is it takes him a little longer than it should to change up his tactics. Not the same as completely underestimating your opponent’s allies.
Factor: Sense of Style
Captain America: 1940s-classic Bane: Pro-Wrestler
Advantage: Bane.
Read the line again. Bane wins this hands down.
Wild Card
Captain America: Allies Bane: Allies
Advantage: Captain America.
Captain America’s allies are wonderful, heroic people who will help their friend at any time of need. Bane’s allies would use his carcass for shelter from a chilly night if they could.

Winner: Bane

As if you had to wonder. Captain America’s cool and all, but Bane is super cool, and that’s that.