Darth Vader’s Poop

I backed away from the biological questions after being lightly chastised for asking “Does Darth Vader Need to Eat?” I specifically placed the publication of this blog on hold because I care about your feelings and feedback!

I'd be angry too.
I’d be angry too.

But really only to a limited extent, because I’d written this out and had every intent of coming back to it.

(Side note: I appreciate all the comments lately. I’ve enjoyed having actual discussions on these insane topics and promise you this is all far from over! And of course if you want to pitch an idea for a blog question, let me know!)

But the next logical question about the Dark Lord of the Sith needing to eat is…

Does Darth Vader Need to Poop?

Every living thing creates waste. This waste must be expelled or sepsis sets in, because the toxins in the body build up and it can’t get rid of them.

GIVEN: Vader’s body is badly damaged, but kept alive. There is a biological process at work. Any body will create waste.

GIVEN: Vader’s technology for life support is presaged by General Grievous’ horrific bag-of-organs and robot skeleton.

So, given all that, we can clearly see that Grievous has no…”exhaust port”…as it were. It’s just a (plastic?) bag of organs hanging in the middle of a (vulnerable) protective cage. So did he have to get a “flush” every couple of days when his armor got a wash-and-wax?

Perhaps that was the reason for his cough. He was actually expelling microbes of waste with each one, meaning he was a walking virus factory. Also, that his breath would explain Anakin averting his head when Grievous got in his face early in Episode III.

So how did Vader expel this waste? Was there a colostomy box on his belt, and if Luke had hit that instead of Vader’s shoulder in the Bespin duel we have a different ending?

I’m strangely, bizarrely curious on this one.

I am completely aware of what that says about me.

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16 thoughts on “Darth Vader’s Poop

  1. Uhm… Hmmm. Sure, Vader lost limbs, his head got a few scars and, yeah…his lungs got a little seared and therefore needs the rebreather to help him, well – breathe. I can’t recall anything being said about his bodily functions being affected. If they were, I’m sure the suit would be able to take care of these basic neccessities… Right?

    1. Do you think maybe Palpatine had a long-distance remote so that when Vader screwed up, he could cause a backup in the system so that the rebreather then became torture? I totally wouldn’t put that past him.

      On Tue, Mar 18, 2014 at 7:01 PM, kessel korner wrote:

      >

      1. I wouldn’t put it past him, either, but don’t you think Darth Vader would’ve had his suit gone-over with a fine-toothed comb to have that feature removed? Plus, I would guess, that Darthy had some security features added, as well; so he could keep the Emp in-check. Who knows, with the Force powers they’re both wielding? In the end, Emp Pal couldn’t kill Darth and Darth, basically, died of an asthma attack, anyway. Bitches! LOL!

  2. He’s more machine now than man, twisted and smelly. Evil, I meant evil. Why do you think he wears a cloak? It’s not for fun. It’s to hide all of the black gunge that expels out of him

  3. Theoretically, his plumbing is fine. Maybe that’s what Veers walked in on, Vader dropping a deuce and reading the newspaper in his chamber pod.

    1. “Theoretically, his plumbing is fine. ”

      I don’t know about that. Fire tends to…uh…melt things. However, I love the idea that the meditation chamber was actually a bathroom too — would make sense why it was scrubbed sterile, and white all the time to make sure it was clean 🙂

      On Tue, Mar 18, 2014 at 9:04 PM, kessel korner wrote:

      >

  4. I believe that one of the sourcebooks says he eats some kind of nutrient paste that doesn’t need to be chewed. It tasted horrible though. So I think his digestive tract is intact.

      1. A colostomy bag? He has them delivered out of Coruscant, by Liberty Medical, in bulk; it’s taken off of his Empire Medicaid Card. The Emporer is evil, but he’s not gonna let his ‘Number 1′ runnin’ around smellin’ like Number 2…right?

          1. Your lack of faith is disturbing… The ‘spirit’ of the blog is what, uh – ‘moved’ me. LOL! Never thought I’d be discussing Vader’s poop, or COPD. You know, maybe Vader wears Depends under the suit… He does have confidence. (See what I did there?) LOL!

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