My Honest Reviews of the Star Wars Films: Introduction

Well, this series of blogs is likely to trigger some sort of reaction. What we will have, finally committed to some sort of medium, is my complete and honest critiques of the legendary Star Wars films. Instead of my obligatory defense of things people can’t be bothered to understand, or proving definitively which fan base is more intelligent, I’m going to write real and legitimate criticism and praise for all six of the films.

To be honest, it’s not going to be easy. Approaching these movies objectively is difficult for me, after many years of happy memories and even important catharsis which I owe to them. Now that my kids and nephews are getting into it, it’s even more an emotional thing.

Luke Skywalker kicks ass on the Sail Barge
And for the record, Return of the Jedi has always been my emotional favorite from the original triolgy. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

But above and beyond those things, and partially because of these films, I’m a huge movie buff. I can love something in spite of and for its flaws, and still cast an honest light on it.

I’m compelled to write these, too, because over the years I’ve been accused of being unable to honestly assess these films. My love for the prequels has especially caused consternation for many. Since I’ve never made any secret of my love for them many people have felt compelled to challenge and even insult me. My intelligence has been not only questioned but dismissed because Real Fans ® aren’t supposed to like “those movies.”

So henceforth I’ll be setting out on permanent record (where’s that ‘Update’ button?) my honest reviews of the films. Some of it will be expected but I think that some of it will be genuinely surprising for anyone who hasn’t listened to what I’ve really been saying.

And that’s the most frustrating thing. You almost become afraid to mention your views on a movie because if you say something with which someone disagrees, you may as well be asking them to support your Kitten Kicking fundraising drive. Seriously, when did discussing a movie become as contentious as closing Gitmo? Why is disagreeing about Star Trek V: The Final Frontier enough for some people to become unhinged and launch into nonsensical tirades?

Ahem. I digress.

Are you ready for the honesty? Because starting tomorrow, you’re going to get more of it than you bargained for, and then some.

7 thoughts on “My Honest Reviews of the Star Wars Films: Introduction

  1. I completely sympathize with you, and you should sit down before I explain.

    Are you seated? Good. Here it is. My favorite Star Trek movie was Star Trek III: The Search for Spock.

    There, I said it. I hope you’re happy for pulling this out of me. I now have no chance of ever holding political office.

    My reasoning is the same as yours. It’s not that the movie was any good. You can count on one finger the good things about that movie, and you might not need that finger to do it. It’s because of where I was in my life when I found that movie. I completely understand your affinity for the films (as well as for Star Trek V), but I’ve also thought highly of your understanding of movie-making. It’s a shame you’re not in the industry, but at least I’ll get to read your review. I’m also looking forward.

    Side note: I have an exceptional long term memory, and I remember clearly Leonard Maltin giving Return of the Jedi a perfect 10. I vaguely remember that being the consensus among film reviewers. It’s a rare thing when movie reviewers actually agree with the public at large. That must say something.


    1. Star Trek III had some really good moments, actually. One of my favorite scenes in any of them is the destruction of the Enterprise. Yes, including “You Klingon Bastard.” 98 Rock can have their jerkweed fun at its expense out of context, but that scene’s actually very touching.

      “My God, Bones. What have I done?”
      “What you had to do, what you’ve always done. Turn death into a fighting chance to live.”

      Also, when they broke McCoy out of jail: “That Green Blooded son of a bitch. This is his payback for all those arguments he lost.”

      Damn it, McCoy owned Star Trek. When did I come to love that character so much?

      That movie didn’t *really* fall apart until the ending, which was plagued by what Paramount seemed to love to do with them – gutting the budget in mid-production. I also sort of feel sorry for Christopher Lloyd because he played a pretty cool villain, but on the heels of Khan anyone but Khan is overshadowed. Also, New Savvik was not as good as Original Savvik. She was more Vulcan, but I didn’t dig that. Of course, Kirstie Alley had to be too big for her britches to come back. Feh.

      I didn’t realize that about Maltin. The funny thing is that I also recall that everyone loved Jedi when it came out, then in the post-Kevin Smith-era too-hip 1990s references, it was hip to hate it. I think it has to do with that post-modern sardonicism and faux cynicism that everyone was required to adopt under penalty of ostracism.

      Which won’t be addressed in the review — but we all know how I feel about post-modern douche-ism.


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