F*** the iPhone

I kind of promised myself at one point that I wouldn’t do this. I don’t want to be that guy. I really don’t. I just can’t stop myself.

Recently I got a Droid. It was a big deal, because I finally left behind the shackles of an ancient cell phone and entered the world of obsessive Facebook posting of pictures from every little event. Want to see another picture of my kids eating breakfast? Don’t worry, it’s on the way.

One of the things that caused me to get the Droid over the “hipper” iPhone is

  1. I bear a fair amount of animosity toward the iPhone because it’s not been switched to a decent phone carrier;
  2. Apple is run by a dictatorial fathead;
  3. They can’t just release upgrades to the software?;
  4. Its stench of “hipness” is an immediate turn-off to someone like me;
  5. I have a mortgage and kids. Unless I want to sell one of them off, I can’t afford a bajillion dollar phone.

Numbers two and five are really the biggest issues for me. I could even get over the first four, but price point is huge.

In fact, price point has always been what kept me out of the Apple market all these years. Why would I willingly spend $1300 or more for a computer, when I could get essentially the same thing for less than half that price? What could possibly compel me to do it?

“The operating system?”
I can cope with that. Virus issues? Don’t go to dirty sites (I don’t), don’t trust random downloads or file sharing sites (I don’t) and then get Firefox and gird it with the NoScript extension, killing any potential drive-by infection attempts (and freeing you from 85% of the advertising on sites). So completely for free, I’ve negated any argument you can throw at me for spending twice as much for my machine.

“The robustness of the hardware?”
Do the math. I can elect to replace my computer once every five to seven years to keep pace with advances (I don’t need the newest thing on the planet) at a cost each time at about one-third of what I’ll pay for an Apple computer. The argument for the Apple at this point sounds more like someone insisting it’s better to pay for a Lexus when I can make do with a Ford and if I take care of the Ford, it’ll last me just as long if not longer.

“Fewer crashes?”
OK, Windows Millenium Edition was a joke. I’ll give you that one. And honestly, Windows 7 has not delivered as well as advertised, but honestly, it’s never been enough of a problem to cause issues for me. Seriously, I’m not trying to calculate Pi to the billionth digit. I’ve not had anything that I would consider a serious issue (with the exception of Millenium Edition, which I was trapped into because that’s what Stacey had when we got together, so I count that as a mulligan).

“It’s cool?”
It does a job. I don’t care that it looks sleek or dazzling. I need it to do a job. That’s all. It’s just a machine. It has no feelings and it can’t make me feel better about myself. If I can get something that does the same stuff, is compatible with what I need and is going to provide better service…for a lower price…then why the Hell would I choose to get the MacBook/Apple/iPhone?

I really don’t get it. I know there are Mac cultists out there, but the hardware market has caught up to you. Even if you had an argument for the superiority of the hardware in the past, that argument is shot today.

That’s just how I see it. Not thrilling, I know, but that’s what it is.

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18 thoughts on “F*** the iPhone

  1. #2 really gets me as well. There’s this tremendous “counter-culture wannabe” thing going on in the minds of apple-lovers. Steve Jobs is a dictator. Bill Gates is true corporate counter-culture. People are idiots.

    1. @Rob: And did I mention that they’re trying to kill Flash because Steve Jobs has the vindictive streak of a 13-year-old girl on her first period? F*** him and his Objective-C.

  2. Oh, John, don’t you know that # 4 (also known as having backlash fever) earns high points on the hipness scale? Being a hater is rule number one for being hip.

  3. I really have no compulsion to get a PHONE that can do all the things my desktop computer can (do iPhones and Droids even have the capability to make a call? I have no idea, because all I ever hear people talk about are things like lightsaber apps, web browsing while walking along the Mall in DC, or posting crap to facebook. Far as I know, no one has actually ever made a CALL with one of those things).

    I have a phone that has internet connectivity, with a limit of 25 MB per month. So far, I’ve gone over my limit by less than a MB one time. I can take pictures and video, and use it as an MP3 player. I have done all those things at one time or another, but I’m totally content to walk around with a separate MP3 player, digital camera, and flip camcorder, in addition to a PDA. I rarely need all of those things at once, so carrying them all around has never really been an issue with me, negating the “easier than having all these devices separate” argument that people like to try to say that the phone is a good thing.

    Besides all that, I have a job that would be murder on a touchscreen, so from a practicality standpoint, upgrading to a “smart phone” from my “stupid” phone would be a really bad move.

    The gadgetty aspect of a smartphone appeals to me, but practicality wins out when it comes to something that could well end up being a lifeline.

    1. @Tony: I make a call on one of these things about 2-4 times a day. As soon as you want to join the rest of us in the 21st Century, send a smoke signal.

      Seriously, I felt the same way you did until I got a Droid. Then I lost half the day with the capabilities. Then commutes home on the train were less painful because I had news of the world to read without cutting in on family time (newspapers are by their nature a day later than I or anyone else wants now). Then I actually became more productive at work because instead of periodically checking in on e-mails I might be waiting for from friends/family about stuff, I know whether anything’s come in.

      Plus you can load an app that pipes in work e-mail. And there’s an app that makes it work like a phaser, or even a tricorder. That should be right up your alley, right? ๐Ÿ™‚

      1. As I said, unneeded features aside, my job precludes the practicality of a touchscreen. My boss goes through about 2-3 blackberries a year due to damage or unintentional dunking in oil. Thus far, I have avoided any dunkings with my phone (though I did drop a company Nextel into the drainage pit under the floor. It rests under 11,000 gallons of oil, water, antifreeze and God knows what else, along with 9000 gallons-equivalent of solids at the bottom of the “pit”), but when I did have a texting phone with a touchscreen, it suffered and had to be replaced once.

        Unless/until they get to the point of a phone with a touchscreen that can take a pounding, I will not be getting a touchscreen “smart” phone.

        As for smoke signals, I’ll save those for comments that I’m too polite to commit to the interwebs… ๐Ÿ˜›

      2. @Tony: OK, you won me over. I just took a club like that ape in the beginning of 2001 and smashed my Droid. I’m converting to courier pigeons.

      3. Oh, for the love of….

        Some of us have to wait for technology to be durable to survive outside the world of white collars and soft hands.

        All I’m sayin’.

  4. Says you. “My buttocks are like twin wheels of Gouda.” ๐Ÿ™‚

    Extra points if you manage to identify the source of that quote without using a search engine.

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