9/11 Conspiracy Theories

Oh, this isn’t what you think it is. Had I been writing this blog fifteen or twenty years ago, it probably would have spoken to the endless possibilities for 9/11 conspiracy theories. My X-Files World View was that there was something bigger everywhere you looked, some sort of big plan from the government, aliens, space zombies…whatever.

What a difference a little growing up can do. And in honor of those that still espouse a belief in the 9/11 conspiracy theories (as they like to call themselves, “Truthers”) I’m going to take a little time out of my day to attack those theories not only as one who recognizes their universal foolishness, but as a former member of the herd who believed in such sort of things. Just like a former smoker who suddenly quits, only to turn on their friends who are smokers still, I’ve got the zeal of enlightenment behind me.

I know it’s not even remotely near 9/11 right now. But I got into a discussion about 9/11 with someone who believes the conspiracy theories not too long ago and it’s inspired me to vent in a way that polite discussion sometimes doesn’t allow.

“They” Used It to Go to War!

First and foremost, the ultimate question that comes to mind is, “What was to be gained by executing this conspiracy?” You see, people need motivation to do something – I learned that in acting classes – and without the proper motivation they tend to stop doing it. Just look around your workplace. When a fellow employee isn’t properly motivated, they tend to start slacking off a bit, don’t they?

And so it is with everything. So what could the possible motivation be for the 9/11 conspiracy? The most popular one is that it was to make us go to war? Sure seems a roundabout way. Seems to me that instead of attacking yourself and in the process crippling your own economy, you’d merely provoke your intended enemy into acting against you (see: Gulf of Tonkin, USS Maine) and use PR to create a boogeyman, in a remote area with minimal to zero actual risk to your population, not launch an attack your own soil. And if our intended target for starting the war was in the Middle East, holy crap – like we couldn’t provoke something over there. Seriously.

Consolidation of government power? Manipulation of the people? Government takeover of the economy? My friends, those things are being done right now, with no national tragedy behind them. They’ve been done without national tragedy many times over each time the US Government enacts a law that broadens its scope.

Now, did the administration use it as a rallying cry to take us to war? Yep. Sure did. Doesn’t mean they engineered it.

The Planes Weren’t Taken Over By Terrorists!

What happened to the people who were on the planes? You know, the ones who f***ing called their families and relayed that a bunch of terrorists were doing things on their flights? It makes me angry to think that someone would show such disrespect for the loss of innocent life to speculate like that without a shred of evidence. It belittles the loss, the pain and the sorrow.

To make this conspiracy work, they were either killed, kidnapped (and taken where?), or…um, jumped into Wonderland? Star Trek stole them? What? No really, we know everyone who was on those flights thanks to passenger lists. Even the ones before the Patriot Act were complete enough to know who was on a plane.

We have data showing the hijackers on the planes, evidence that they attended training to learn how to fly planes, an admission by a hijacker who didn’t make it onto a plane, data recordings of people working in the FAA that day and thousands upon thousands of eyewitnesses.

But you’ve got a hunch, so what do we know? Oh yeah. Ignore that tape of bin Laden discussing how it was done, too. That’s um…inexplicable in your theory.

It Was a Missile That Hit the Pentagon

Get yourself a map. Look at I-395. Understand rush hour on 395 in Northern Virginia, especially the spot next to the Pentagon. Everyone in a car that day on that stretch of road, and people on other roads (like Columbia Pike) saw a plane hit the Pentagon. People in the Pentagon saw a plane hit the Pentagon.

Their descriptions of the plane vary? Well, I suppose because they were looking at traffic when the hurtling hunk of aluminum and innocent souls came screaming down at a few hundred miles per hour. Tends to take you by surprise. Even I, with my Khan-like super-intelligence, might have gotten the markings wrong. Ignore that wreckage they found, too, that matched the type of plane hijacked. Or the wreckage embedded in cars and trucks that was from a plane. They put all that inside the missile like confetti and it ‘sploded out.

Do you know how a missile works?

You Can’t Trust the Government!

Well, that’s true. But do you feel that way when your team controls the locker room, too, or just when the opposing team does? Just because you disagree with someone doesn’t mean they’re some diabolical genius brimming with cartoon super-villainy.

Sure, they could game the system if they knew how to run a good machine, but the most that makes them is just another a**hole politician, possibly a megalomaniacal one.

The More People Who Are Involved…

…the less likely everyone will keep their mouths shut. Let’s catalog how many people would have to be complicit in the act:

  1. Tens or hundreds of government agents (to kidnap/kill passengers, fly planes, target buildings, engineer explosives, falsify records, get 19 known troublemakers to take flight classes and board panes on the right day, etc.);
  2. Airlines -because they were short four planes;
  3. The entire immediate staff of the President and Vice President, and probably several cabinet officials at a minimum;
  4. At least one military chief of staff (to engineer and coordinate it) and his chosen staff to put the plan into effect;
  5. Someone to invent an airborne drug that causes mass hallucinations on people in cars and/or a giant movie screen to run in front of the Pentagon (probably a few miles long to be on the safe side);

…all of this over the course of many years. Sure, while at the same time the sitting president (Clinton) couldn’t creep around on his wife without everyone in the world knowing it. That’s consistent, logical thinking there. Did I miss anything?

Yet They Couldn’t Manufacture WMD Evidence in Iraq?

Is that harder? We could engineer 9/11 as a big hoax, but we couldn’t manage to create some juicy WMD sites to “find” on broadcast TV to prove Iraq was a good idea beyond a shadow of a doubt to everyone?

The easier thing was the impossible bit? Really?

All right, I’m not going to go negative in my next post. I swear it’s back to sweetness and light. I just had to put this down somewhere, so I can send people to it instead of having to go through this argument ever, ever again in person.


5 thoughts on “9/11 Conspiracy Theories

  1. I like the idea of writing down arguments & e-mailing them to avoid face-to-face discussions. Think I’ll steal that idea! Just glad I don’t have to argue you with you on this one! 🙂

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